oh the dram I can cause without trying

So I’ve been quiet for a while on my journal while I organize my life and get things in order. Actually I’ve been going non stop with different projects or problems. I’ve been playing shows or working overtime or nursing a knee problem or stuck in bed with a cold….or just trying to have a life….it’s hard work.

But this week something occurred that made me actually realize I need to come out of my online social coma and actually make some posts/responses to the world.

The big news, I am no longer the DJ at velocity for their “goth night”. After leaving a wonderful party early because I felt obligated and didn’t want a guest DJ to be stuck for so long without a break(oh and I only got to hear the first half of Joan Jett’s first song before rushing out of the venue), I had time to drop off my gear and be avoided by everyone that knew what was going on until the manager of the bar asked to talk to me in the office….oh yeah this would end well. I was told “my services were no longer required.” I responded with a simple statement of “understood.” And without any questions asked I was told “business has been bad.” Again I said “understood.” It was then expressed that they hoped there were no hard feelings as I was led out of the office. This is where I asked if Tiffinay was going to be able to finish the night by herself and was asked “who’s Tiffany?” All sorts of stuff was going on in my head as I realized all sorts of things….like the way the promoter had been avoiding me and my emails this week, the way the Myspank site password changed, the way I hadn’t been mentioned in any advertisement during the week(but two other dj’s were already being promoted for the new years gig), the way the current dj’s husband was up in the booth shielding her from me and asking all sorts of questions to me that were really kind of stupid and strange(as if he was delaying me until the manager could show up), and why is it that the manager has no idea who is djing but is firing his current dj?

After that the world went really weird on me. It was all a little confusing. I’m not sure if I felt relieved or pissed. I was stuck in a bit of mix up. After I told Suriel, Paula mentioned that maybe we could say that I quit. Her current explanation for this suggestion is it would allow me to save face since I was apparently shocked and hurt. but the fact that I just walked in acting happy about doing a night of playing fun gothic music and walked out 10 minutes later with all my cds and headphones looking shocked was not going to keep that story going. And after I explained it to those outside the club that saw this and wanted an explanation, I decided I’ll just keep quiet about things and let the pieces fall where they will….yeah I’m talking about it hear on my journal, but there are only 6 people that read it and I’m sure they all know the story by now.

And then something beautiful and tragic happened. Almost everyone I know personally(at least most of those I know that were at the club and found out about the situation) left. There were even others that showed up later and found out things that also left. This is beautiful because it means there are a lot of people in the world that really value me and were offended on my behalf. This is tragic because the only night I really liked in the current phoenix goth scene is going to suffer. I’m not sure how much of the decision to let me go was personal, political, emotional, or actually business. I do know it was done in a stupid way and if any one wants to argue for or against my dismissal, please keep in mind the big picture…..or then again our scene has always failed because we can’t keep in mind the big picture…that’s why we’re the 6th largest metropolitan area in the country and can’t keep a goth scene. We had the killing jar for almost a year when Sam Rosenthal explained to me we had the perfect scene with no clicks or sub groups, just a goth scene that realized they had to stick together…and 3 months later I was being reprimanded for mentioning an industrial club when interviewed for a magazine article because they didn’t want to be affiliated with the goth scene…So I give full permission for everyone affiliated with this event to rage and thrash and scream against the system and the world and our own scene and tear us all apart. I’m just going to say nothing….other than I really would have liked to stay and watch Joan Jett play. That was fucked up. Getting fired from the DJ gig sucks, but not as much as missing Joan Jett so it could be done in person. Bad form.

So I’ll say nothing else on this subject other than to correct others when they are blatantly wrong. which is what I’m about to go do on the Livejournal shit storm that is currently happening.

Again to all of my friends that have shown me their true measure during this event, I have no words. I really didn’t expect it. Perhaps that’s why I’m taking this so much better than all of you. I’m finally realizing I have friends that would sacrifice or stand up for me. I’m kind of glad this happened on a personal level….I’m on top of the world right now.

Tanx all

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