So it’s me again. Trying to keep my head above the waters of confusion.

Too many things are going on right now for me to be able to focus.

I’m really starting to think that I need to cut away some of my commitments and just get some space. And it’s really weird for me to realize which things I’d cut away from first.

I’ve just had a DJ gig open up for me on Saturdays and realized, it’s no conflict, or problem for me. That’s how weird my world is right now. I’ve been given a night of DJing for 4-6 hours and I have no problem with it because it doesn’t conflict with every other night of my life that is causing conflicts and regrets….but now my Saturday nights are gone. I wasn’t using them in any way, but still, it’s one less night to myself….and yet I’m kind of happy about it and relieved. As if it’s something I really want and not just filling up time like I do with every other waking moment.

I really need to rethink how I’m living my life and what I want and what I’m doing. I’m definitly spreading myself too much with bands right now. I’m definitly not taking enough time off from work. I’m definitly being too social. I’m definitly not getting any real downtime.

I think I could handle all of this, if I just had a little more time. Time to get my self right inside. Time to recharge my inner self. I’m running on empty, surviving each day, then sleeping until the next day starts. I’m so tired. Tired of the day to day. all the things I’m committed to right now are just building.

My last vacation was a week off in January to see my Mom in California. and from that time all I really learned was sadness about how she is surviving without her best friend, my dad, and that I really miss the burgers from Brea’s Best. Before that I took off 3 weeks to play the Reliquary world tour of Portland/Leipzig. Other than that, I haven’t had any real time off since my father died and that wasn’t really a vacation or break from the world.

Now I’ve got a show in Missouri at the end of next month, along with closing on my first house, and another band that’s about to start playing out around town. I’m so tired.

Well things will work out or they won’t. I do know that I’m going to have a huge talk with Reliquary tomorrow at practice about my life and what’s going on with me and them…..It might be good.

I’m going to go collapse now.

Nite

LokI

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 at 2:05 am and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.